ohmidog!

American’s best known hypnotherapist — or so he bills himself — has come out with a CD that he says calms and relaxes dogs to the point that they can easily be trained to stop misbehaving.

John Morgan — you know, America’s best known hypnotherapist — says his ”Hypnosis for Dogs” CD is the result of nearly three years of research, and a safe and effective way for any dog of any age to reach the essential first step in training: calming the heck down.

“Only when dogs are calm and relaxed can they be trained,” says Morgan.

Among the testimonials he offers is one from Linda Kilgore of Coshocton, Pa., who says it took only 20 minutes for “Hypnosis for Dogs” to transform her two hyperactive family dogs into calm and relaxed puppies.

Another, John Dolan, a greeter at a California Wal-Mart, says his dog Snowflake used to howl and cry when he left home. Now, he puts “Hypnosis for Dogs” on the CD player when he goes to work and returns to a dog that he says doesn’t even seem to have missed him.

Hmmm. That’s a little creepy. (Maybe Mr. Dolan, after a hard day of issuing greetings, doesn’t want one from his dog when he gets home.)

The “Hypnosis for Dogs” CD – it’s $19.95 and comes with the proverbial money-back guarantee — includes specially arranged “psycho-acoustic music” and “vocal rhythms and vibrations” that help abate separation anxiety, calming and relaxing dogs while the owners are away.

Animal hypnosis goes back to the 14th century, Morgan says. Dogs, chickens, cats and even “all of the animals in the Budapest Zoo” are cited in historical accounts of animal hypnosis.

Morgan describes himself as a 25 year veteran hypnotherapist whose seminars have been attended by nearly 1 million clients. More information on ”Hypnosis for Dogs” can be found at Morgan’s website.

While this sort of thing seems preferable to doggie tranquilizers, it sounds to me like another substitute for spending quality time with your dog, and providing regular and rigorous exercise. As for calming a dog down, I’d bet a tummy rub would work just as well as “psycho-acoustic” music, if not better.

But who am I to argue with America’s best known hypnotherapist?

     Correct me if I’m wrong, and I probably am, but as best as I can determine this sometimes hairy, sometimes hairless Mexican breed is pronounced ”show-low-its-queen-tli,” or, for short, “show-low.”                                         
     The Xolo comes in three sizes, Toy, Miniature, Standard, and two varieties, with the hairless being the more popular. It can be black, gray, bronze, brindle, or red, and solid or spotted.
     Other than the hairlessness, its most noticeable characteristic is its large upright ears.

They give the dog a bat-like appearance, and add to its super keen sense of hearing, meaning if you mispronounce Xoloitzcuintle, he’ll probably hear you.

Xoloitzcuintle, sometimes alternately spelled as Xoloitzcuintli, is one of the world’s oldest breeds going back over 3,000 years. Artifacts depicting the ancient breed have been found in the tombs of Colima, Mayan and Aztec Indians.

Xolos were highly prized for their loyalty, intelligence, curative and mystical powers and their body heat was used to relieve aching joints and stomach pain.

According to Aztec mythology, the god Xoloti created the Xoloitzcuintle from a sliver of the “Bone of Life” from which mankind was made. Xoloti gave the dog to humanity as a gift with strict instructions — guard it with his life, and, in return, the dog would guide man through the world of death towards the evening star (no, it’s not a newspaper) in the heavens.

The breed almost went extinct in the 1940s (so much for Xoloti’s instructions), but was saved when a group of committed Mexicans began seeking them out in remote villages.

As its numbers dwindled, the Xolo was dropped as a recognized breed by the American Kennel Club in the 1950s, and still isn’t fully recognized by it. The breed is considered “foundation stock” by the AKC, meaning it could someday qualify again.

My advice to the AKC is to ask itself this question: What Would Xoloti Do?