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To the guy who stole my poopy shoes

fall_colors18Ahhh fall, my favorite season — that time of year when even old dogs get a little more spring in their step.  The coolness of yesterday morning was invigorating. Ace, upon stepping outside and taking in a whiff of the crispness in the air, was raring to go.

On our morning trip to the park, we drove the four blocks because my illegally parked car had to be moved anyway. We walked an extra loop around the path and veered into the grass to chase each other a little bit. We were both stepping a little more lively than usual.

My lively steps included one into a pile of dog poop, which I didn’t notice until enclosed in the car on the way home, by which time I had smeared both brake and gas pedal with it as well.

Not wanting to track it inside, I left my shoes outside, at the foot of the steps of my humble Formstone rowhouse, figuring I’d probably throw them away, anyway. They started losing their integrity three months ago — the body of the shoe having lost contact with the sole, resulting in a floppy thwack as I walked and a tendency to take in moisture.

I cleaned by brake and gas pedals, then spent a few hours at the computer before stepping back outside in my socks to find the shoes were gone. Someone had stolen my poopy shoes — my falling apart, probably even stinky before I stepped in poop, not long for the world, anyway, poopy shoes.

I didn’t feel all that violated — given that shoes were going to be thrown away. I took only a moment’s pleasure in the thought that the thief probably didn’t get around the corner before realizing his ill gotten booty was was contaminated with poopy. Perhaps, I thought, he even realized it immediately, but decided, once cleaned up, they might serve him well for a while. Maybe it’s a reflection of how hard times have gotten for some.

So as I don my new sneakers — quite spiffy and only $20 at Wal-Mart — here is my wish for the poopy shoe thief: I hope they — after a good cleaning and a little glue — bring you warmth and happiness throughout the season.


Comment from Mary Schmidt
Time October 13, 2009 at 9:43 pm

I have stepped in enough poop in my life to find your story very, very funny.

Wonder if the thief feels like a failure at this point?