Why I want to marry a veterinarian
SWM ISO SFDVM … for LTR.
Better yet, I’ll spell it out: Single White Male in search of Single Female Doctor of Veterinary Medicine, and by LTR I mean not just long term relationship, but marriage.
I might be willing to give the institution another try, but only with a veterinarian.
This decision is based not only on certain financial realities with which I am confronted, not solely on being a journalist without a real job, but on my belief that anyone who has devoted her life to dogs — as long as they are not all self-righteous about it, or hoarding them — is going to be a good person.
So, yes, I plan to marry, and live happily ever after with, a yet-to-be-chosen veterinarian.
(The unidentified one in the photo above, which I found by Googling, would be fine, but I’m not sure if she’s a veterinarian or a model, or, since her left hand is hidden behind the dog’s ear, whether she’s spoken for.)
In the interest of being totally frank, even though my name is John — nice to meet you, do you come here often? – I will reiterate that at least part of this life choice is based on practical, in addition to any romantic, interests.
Ace is nearly 7, beginning to get up there for a big dog. I am 58 (though, by making it a point to take poor care of myself, I can manage to still pass for 60). I’m feeling quite fine today, but Ace is showing signs of another ailment.
He has taken to acting like a cow, but only at night.
While seeming otherwise fine, he has been exhibiting two unusual behaviors. The first is standing like a cow, declining both offers and orders to lay down. When he does finally consent to joining me on the couch, or bed, he insists on putting the front third of his body on top of me.
None of his appendages seem to be bothering him, and I’ve manipulated them all to no end. No other spot I press on seems to cause him any pain. His symptoms are not like those back-related ones he was experiencing a few months ago. He acts mostly normal during the day, but once night falls, he becomes a cow.
He’s eating regularly, his bowel movements are on schedule and his stool seems fine. (Mine, too, in case any potential suitors are wondering.)
I have Googled myself silly trying to figure it out. At one point, I was convinced it was carbon monoxide poisoning, because he was standing by the door a lot, as if to say we must leave the premises at once. When he went out, though, he did nothing, except stand like a cow some more. I went out and bought a carbon monoxide detector. It hasn’t gone off.
Last night, I began suspecting bloat, even though what’s going in, food-wise, seems to be coming out, and he doesn’t seem inflated.
I’ve even asked myself if his ailment might be something other than physical — a cognitive disorder, though it seems to early, stemming from his advancing years. But then I forget that I’ve asked myself that.
Each day he seems fine, recovered, running, playing and happy, and I cancel my plan to take him to the veterinarian. Then at night he becomes an unmoving cow again, but, unlike a cow, seems anxious about something.
So he’s going back to his vet, who’s not an option when it comes to my plan to return to wedlock with a DVM, as he is a he and he is married.
But how wonderful would it be, now and moreso in the future, to have someone right in the same house who could observe Ace’s behavior and — contrary to my uneducated guesswork — come up with an immediate diagnosis and treatment plan?
To spare me from the anguish — and, despite any jest herein, it is anguish — that comes with knowing something is bothering your dog and not being able to figure it out?
And perhaps, even though her background is in dog health, to detect any excessive panting, or drooling, or other warning signs, that I might be exhibiting myself?
Til death do us part.
What I haven’t mentioned yet — because it’s a small thing, which has only a slight bearing on my love for veterinarians — is neither Ace nor I have health insurance, and we’re both getting to an age where that might be handy.
If I married a kindly, female, financially secure, unattached veterinarian, I can only assume Ace would get free medical care — given that Ace would become her dog, unless we parted ways, in which case, as spelled out in a pre-nuptial agreement, full custody of Ace would revert to me.
And if, in addition to making a good living from being a veterinarian, one of those rare careers that actually has a future, she had her own human medical insurance — the kind that covered spouses — that would be some highly appreciated icing on the cake. That would just make our bond even stronger.
I think we would be very happy together.
Yes, I kind of like time and space to myself. Yes, I probably work too much, definitely too much for a person who’s unemployed. True, I can’t shower you with luxurious or expensive things, but I do occasionally shower. I’m probably not “a catch.” As I’ve already stated, I will be 60 in a couple of years.
Nevertheless – and I”m going down on one knee now — I ask you, female veterinarian, will you marry me?
And, whatever your answer, can you help me back up?
(Photo: From Topcollegesonline)
Posted by jwoestendiek December 16th, 2011 under Muttsblog.
Tags: ace, ailment, ailments, animals, behavior, bloat, cow, diagnosis, dog, dogs, dvm, female, finances, health, health insurance, insurance, ltr, marriage, marry me, medicine, pets, proposal, sick, standing, symptoms, travels with ace, veterinarian, veterinary, wedlock
Comments
Comment from Daniel Beatty, DVM
Time December 16, 2011 at 10:15 am
All I have to say is as in the quote “The cobbler’s kids have no shoes.” – the veterinarian’s pet’s ailments go untreated. 
Sorry I am also a male veterinarian and also married. Good luck in your search for a veterinary wife and good luck in discovering what might be ailing Ace.
Comment from smoketoomuch
Time December 16, 2011 at 11:46 am
If, by Ace’s cow-like behavior, you mean that he stands motionless, seemingly staring off into the distance, then perhaps it’s simply a case of his hearing something that your feeble ears cannot perceive – a train in the distance perhaps. During daylight hours the sound is masked by the normal ambiance of daily activities. So long as he is bouncy, happy and active while the sun is shining then I don’t believe you have cause for concern.
The Haley-Bear can seemingly hear the footsteps of a fox in our driveway at 3 in the morning.
Comment from smoketoomuch
Time December 16, 2011 at 11:49 am
BTW, good luck on both your Veterinary spousal search and help in getting back up. Being in my 6th decade myself, I certainly feel your pain. ;>)
Comment from baltimoregal
Time December 16, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Either that or a podiatrist.
Comment from Madeline Magee
Time December 16, 2011 at 12:47 pm
I have forwarded your column to a young female vet, happily married to another vet! What is this…they should share the wealth. I asked her if she has any (slightly) older female unmarried vet friends who would like to marry a really nice guy.
Comment from Brenna
Time December 16, 2011 at 2:52 pm
I think it is Ace telling you that he misses Baltimore and all of his Baltimore friends. We all miss you both very much and would love for you to make a trip back sooner than later!
Comment from anon
Time December 16, 2011 at 7:33 pm
Assuming Ace has not sprung an udder and needs milking, is he possibly having bladder problems and feels the need to urinate but cannot, hence, laying his body in such a manner as to relieve pressure on his bladder? If he has trouble urinating, his water intake during the day may increase a sense of fullness at night.
Comment from vida
Time December 16, 2011 at 7:37 pm
Best of luck on the search and with finding a solution to Aces’ troubling behavior. I’m personally ready to propose to any mechanic or roofer, or plumber in my general area. I come with three dogs and a sketchy car, a leaky roofed house and a sink that mysteriously won’t direct water out the faucet.
Comment from jwoestendiek
Time December 16, 2011 at 8:13 pm
BGAL, I think I’d prefer my wife to be someone who has been touching paws all day, instead of feet.
Comment from Anne’n'Spencer
Time December 16, 2011 at 9:05 pm
This may be helpful. We in Baltimore seem to have acquired our own female bank robber. She pulled off a couple of successful heists but has now been apprehended. The plan would be:
(a) Schedule a visit to Baltimore
(b) Get to know the bank robber before she goes to the hoosegow. Pledge your undying love, propose marriage, promise to wait forever, do whatever it takes to win her trust.
(c) Find out where she has stashed the loot.
This would enable you to take care of any insurance needs during her time of incarceration. Since armed robbers seem to get sent away for a long time, it would also leave you fairly unencumbered. I’m just sayin’ …
http://baltimore.cbslocal.com/2011/12/15/fbi-looking-for-baltimores-female-bank-bandit/
Comment from Sue
Time December 17, 2011 at 6:27 am
You need some kind of screening process. I know 3 female vets. 2 are married. The 3rd isn’t much of a vet.
Seriously, don’t like reading that Ace is not tip-top. It may be nothing, but sounds like a trip to the vet is in order – even if only for your own mental health.
Comment from dawn
Time December 17, 2011 at 4:27 pm
I hope taking to the blogwaves is helpful in finding a veterinary wife! I hope Ace settles down. My first thought went to canine cognitive dysfunction, having gone through it with 2 of my dogs, but they were much further along and older when diagnosed. A vet visit can certainly help bring peace of mind.
Comment from Colby
Time December 17, 2011 at 8:57 pm
I’m sorry to hear that Ace is acting like a cow. I hope everything is okay with him. I always thought my dog Stetson looked kind of like a cow, but maybe its just his mannerisms. As for the vet spousal search. I have two friends who are vets and they are married to each other…as someone else said they should share the wealth!
Comment from Zeke
Time January 10, 2012 at 9:58 pm
I loved your post! Here’s kind of an interesting article I came across on some of the problems facing veterinarians, particularly in response to the new Organic food trend. Super interesting!
Comment from Gizmo298
Time February 26, 2012 at 11:39 pm
Being a female veterinarian myself (not single, btw), it’s always a mystery to me why people think we are wealthy. Sorry, but we have the same debt as an MD, but certainly not the same salary! Yes, we have devoted our lives to the health and benefit of pets, but we in no way make a lot of money. And, don’t get me started on the misconceptions of free health care for our pets!! I alone have spent > $15,000 on my pets in less than 4 years! You may think that’s a good example of my wealth, but no…my husband is in IT, a sys admin to be exact, and he pays both the bills AND my health insurance. (FYI, the AVMA has pretty crappy health insurance, so sorry to burst your bubble). As for your dog, yes seven doesn’t seem that old, but what is his breed? For a giant breed, seven is definitely geriatric and often their life span. Sounds to me like the cow behavior is cognitive dysfunction. There are meds to help alleviate these symptoms, as well as a special diet from Hill’s. Of course, a visit to your regular veterinarian is most definitely in order, since a physical exam and possibly bloodwork would give more insight. After all, I have not seen your pet and am only basing my differential diagnosis on written symptoms described by you. Nevertheless, I don’t want you to give up on your endeavor to find a female veterinarian suitor because, after all, we are quite the catch. But, NOT due to financial reasons, as most of us are quite poor without the financial backing of a savvy spouse!
Comment from kim newport
Time June 24, 2012 at 12:28 pm
Iwant to marry a vet im in ponca
city ok i want a tall guy my numbers are
580-762-1922 home
580-716-4169 cell
Comment from Anne’n'Spencer
Time December 16, 2011 at 8:00 am
Hmm. Can’t help you with the matchmaking or the cow-like behavior. I do know of not one, but two veterinarians who are getting married, but they are marrying each other. I am thinking of giving them a doormat that says THIS IS A HOUSE OF LEARNED DOCTORS. My experience has been that dogs do whatever it is they do for reasons the rest of us can’t understand. As the Beagle grows older, a trip to the vet, though expensive, is sometimes a great anxiety-reliever. For me if not for him.