ohmidog!

F B Q

 

      

ohmidog?

 

 

(FBQ’s) 

 

Q. Hey, would you mind putting that dog on a leash?

 

A. At this specific time – given that he’s nowhere near you and not bothering anybody, given as he’s just walking around sniffing that grass a full 50 feet away from you, given as he is (pretty much) under voice control and will come to me when I call him — actually, yes, I would.

 

Q. This park is for taxpayers, not dogs.

 

A. Well that’s not even a question. Besides, I disagree. This park belongs to these dogs, that smelly homeless guy on the bench and those squirrels running around in circles as much as it does you. It’s the one place in the city we can come and experience a little freedom, where we can bark a little bit, air ourselves out and gather our nuts. So back off.

 

Q. Why don’t you go live in the suburbs? The city’s no place for a big dog.

 

A. Again, I disagree. The city can be just fine for a big dog. Please refrain from telling me where my dog and I can live, or what size, or what breed my dog should be.

 

Q. There’s a leash law in the city. Do you know you are breaking the law?

 

A. Yes, and I’m willing to suffer the consequences. Not all laws are good, and that one is particularly bad…

 

 

Q. Hi, howya doin’?

 

A. Good thanks, except that last guy was getting on my nerves.

 

Q. Hey, Mister, what kind of dog is that?

 

A. Ace is a mutt, but a while back we did one of those DNA tests, and it said he was Rottweiler and Chow.

 

Q. Those are both pretty violent breeds, aren’t they?

 

A. They are among many breeds that have been given a bad rap. We tend to do that, with little justification. Each decade seems to have its own “bad dog” — German Shepherds, Dobermans, and in this one, pit bull types.

 

Q. Shouldn’t we just ban pit bulls?

 

A. Absolutely not. We should ban the people that teach them to fight and kill.

 

Q. How much does he weigh?

 

A. Who?

 

Q. Ace.

 

A. About 120, 125.

 

Q. Wow, that’s a big dog.

 

A. Yes, I know.

 

Q. Could you tell me how to get to the nearest liquor store?

 

A. Go down two blocks and take a right…

 

 

Q. Did your dog just pee on my shrubs?

 

A. Absolutely not.

 

Q. I saw him lift his leg.

 

A. Sometimes he does that, but nothing comes out. He’s just going through the motions.

 

Q. How would you like it if I came and peed in your yard?

 

A. I wouldn’t like that at all…

 

 

Q. So what’s this website all about?

 

A. You have to go to the section called “about” to find that out.

 

Q. Then what’s the purpose of these Frequently Barked Questions?

 

A. I’m not sure.

 

Q. What if I want to advertise on your website?

 

A. We might let you, and we’d direct you to our “sponsorships” section.

 

Q. Can I send you free stuff, and in return you’ll write nice things about my product and my company?

 

A. You can send me free stuff.

 

Q. And, uh, you’ll write nice things?

 

A. I didn’t say that.

 

Q. What are you saying?

 

A. That while we will do product reviews, or get readers to give us their opinions on them, sending us something assures you of nothing. It doesn’t assure we’ll write about it. It doesn’t assure, if we do, we’ll say nice things. Most of those items will be passed on as prizes in reader contests, or donated to shelters, or given to my brother for Christmas — unless they’re books. I tend to keep those.

 

Q. You’re sounding pretty high-falutin’.

 

A. Sorry, but we’re aiming for integrity and depth – two things that aren’t found real often on the Internet, and may even be endangered species worldwide. Forgive my falutes…

 

 

Q. What’s the difference between ohmidog! and muttsblog?

 

A. Those are my two domains, and right now, they are pretty much one in the same — ohmidog.com leads you to the latest entries, muttsblog.com leads you to the full archives. 

 

Q. Why are you doing this?

 

A. What?

 

Q. This web site, blog, whatever?

 

A. For more than a year, I wrote the “Mutts” blog for the Baltimore Sun. It did pretty well, and had a contingent of loyal readers I didn’t want to abandon. And while leaving the newspaper was easy, the idea of leaving the ol’ blog behind was not. I wasn’t sure its new owners would take care of it properly. They couldn’t tell me what was going to happen to it. They didn’t ask about its proper care and feeding. So, even though I had to leave all of the archives behind, I took the concept with me, thinking that it, and I, might thrive even more once we got out of that environment.

 

Q. Can you do that? Might they sue you for calling your website Muttsblog?

 

A. They don’t own the word “mutts” anymore than Purina owns the word “chow,” which by the way, Purina thinks it does. We think words, like birds, are free. You can’t just take an existing one from the English language, claim it as your own, cage it up and not allow anyone else to use it.

 

Q. Is this all you do, sit home in your pajamas, collect unemployment and blog about dogs?

 

A. It just so happens I’m not in my pajamas, nor am I collecting unemployment (yet). I’m working on a dog-related book that I hope to finish early next year.

 

Q. What makes you a dog expert?

 

A. I don’t consider myself one – anymore than the average parent considers him or herself a parenting expert. I know people who are, though. And I have “journalistic skills” – which is a fancy way of saying I know how to call people up and ask them questions. Unlike some bloggers, I don’t plan to simply recycle stories, but to do actual research and reporting.

 

Q. So is this only about mutts – or mixed breed dogs?

 

A. Not at all. It’s about all dogs, and all animals. But our focus will be dogs, and our heart belongs to mutts – especially those who’ve been cooped up in shelters or saved by rescue organizations. We don’t look down on purebreds, or purebred owners, but we don’t think they should look down on us either.

 

Q. Yes that would be wrong.

 

A. Speaking of not looking down, you just stepped in some dog poop.

 

Q. Crap!

 

A. OK, if you prefer that term.

 

Q. Where’s the nearest hose?

 

A. Two blocks down and to the right.

 

Q. Next to the liquor store?

 

A. You got it.

 

 

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