There’s nothing funny about home security.
Well, maybe a couple of things.
There are some “Beware of the dog” type signs that are pretty funny in themselves, such as the one above.
And there are some that aren’t funny until you see the dog the sign is warning you about. Like this one (keep scrolling):
The photos here are part of a collection posted by Shareably.net.
The “Beware of dog” sign is the poor man’s version of home protection.
Sometimes there is no actual dog behind the warning, which I’m pretty sure is sometimes also the case with those “This home protected by (security company name here)” signs.
I was going to make up a fake one for Ace Home Security, named after my previous dog, Ace. Ace Home Security, in reality, would consist of that sole sign and a very large dog who, in reality, would greet intruders with wagging tail and slobbery kisses. In other words it would be entirely wireless.
Those ads for home security systems and companies often make me laugh, too — especially when they feature comical drawings in which the burglars wear eye masks and are dressed in striped prison garb.
Do they wear that so they’ll be ready, fashion-wise, when they get arrested and sent to prison?
Such security systems are pretty fancy nowadays, and some even confront intruders with a verbal warning, as in “CPI Security! Identify yourself!”
What do they expect the burglar to say in response to that?
“I’m Tom Delaney, from Shreveport, Louisiana. I’m 25 years old, and have been burgling for, oh, about six years now. I’m married to my lovely wife, Cindy, and we have three wonderful kids, Tom Jr., Doug and Melissa. My hobbies include Tai Chi and stamp collecting.”
“Beware of Dog” signs have some advantages over home security systems. You don’t have to remember a password, or put up with false alarms, and they are far cheaper. On top of that, you don’t have to feed them, or groom them, or clean up after them, or take them to the vet.
Still, we must point out, those who just get the sign and not the dog are missing out.
Posted by John Woestendiek January 30th, 2017 under Muttsblog.
Tags: animals, beware of dog, beware of the dog, burglars, burglary, dog, dogs, funny, home, home security, pets, protection, security, signs, systems, warning, warnings
Have you resolved to spend less time watching funny dog videos in the New Year?
This one, for instance, will take up 45 seconds to watch, and you’ll never get that time back. On the other hand, it’ll probably make you smile.
We’d suggest devoting the amount of time to watching silly dog videos that seems right to you.
If you’re in need of saving some time, we’d suggest not reading the text that accompanies silly dog videos, because they most often just describe what you’ve just watched, in a very wordy manner, throwing in lots of description but no facts you haven’t already discerned from watching the video you just watched.
Here’s an example from the Daily Mail, one of many media outlets that scour the internet for pet videos they think have viral potential, and then put together — based on no other facts — some words to fill space. (If that weren’t repetitious enough, they generally post numerous stills, taken from the video they just showed you.)
So as you watch this dachshund joyfully consume the bright yellow banana he holds between his paws while lying on his back, keep all that in mind.
And know we resolve — firmly, as with all our resolutions — to never fall victim to that practice.
Posted by John Woestendiek January 2nd, 2017 under Muttsblog, videos.
Tags: animal, animal videos, dog, dog videos, funny, internet, media, new year, online, pet, pet videos, resolutions, silly, videos, watching
For your Halloween viewing pleasure we present a California dog named Jolene, coming face to face with a life-sized version of her favorite chew toy.
Jolene’s owner, Emily Crisp, thought it might be fun, for Halloween, to have her boyfriend, Ben Mesches, dress up in a Gumby costume.
He walks into the room as Jolene is enjoying some time with her Gumby chew toy. Jolene looks up and registers a look of what can only be described as wonder and amazement.
She cautiously, at first, approaches the life-sized Gumby, jumps up on him, and proceeds to go crazy with joy.
Mesches, of Petaluma, initially posted the video to his Facebook account. On YouTube, it has gotten, nearly 4 million views in two weeks.
Happy Halloween, Jolene, and everybody else.
Posted by John Woestendiek October 31st, 2016 under Muttsblog, videos.
Tags: animals, ben mesches, chew, chew toy, costume, dog, dogs, dress up, emily crisp, favorite toy, funny, golden retriever, gumby, halloween, jolene, life sized, meeting, pets, reaction, toy, video, youtube
Devices claiming to translate what your dog is thinking into human words have been popping up on the Internet for a good five years now, and some of the more gullible among us have bought them — and even contributed to campaigns to bring them to market.
There’s No More Woof an electronic device — still in the testing stages, of course — that Swedish scientists say will be able to analyze dogs’ brain waves and translate their thoughts into rudimentary English.
There’s the slightly more real but far more rudimentary Bow-Lingual, which claims to be able to translate your dog’s barks into emotions, currently unavailable on Amazon.com
There are apps — real and prank ones — that offer dog-to-human translations, virtually all of which have disclaimers saying that they should be used primarily for entertainment purposes.
And there are legitimate research projects underway around the world, with real scientists and animal behaviorists seeking to determine and give voice to what is going on in the heads of dogs.
But wait a minute. Do we really want to know?
As this bit of satire shows, we might not like the result.
It was produced by Los Angeles-based Rogue Kite Productions, an independent film company created by writer/producer/director Michelle Boley and camera operator/editor Taylor Gill, who pursue projects of their liking when not doing their day jobs.
Their spoof depicts a speech articulating device much like one a group in Sweden claims to actually be working on.
No More Woof aims to “break the language barrier between animals and humans,” the Sweden-based Nordic Society for Invention and Discovery (NSID) says on its Indiegogo page.
NSID says the device records electroencephalogram (EEG) readings from a dog that are then analyzed by a Raspberry Pi microcomputer and translated, through a small speaker, into simple phrases like, “I’m hungry,” or “Who is that person?”
Popular Science declared the project almost certainly bogus — and yet money keeps pouring in from donors.
The No More Woof indiegogo page says more than $22,000 has been contributed to the project.
Not to cast aspersions on the Swedish group’s attempt to move technology ahead, but I think Rogue Kite Productions could put that money to better use.
Posted by John Woestendiek May 31st, 2016 under Muttsblog, videos.
Tags: animals, apps, articulating, bow-lingual, bowlingual, communicate, communications, devices, dog, dogs, emotions, funny, humans, humor, minds, no more woof, owners, pets, reading, rogue kite productions, speech, thinking, thoughts, translate, translation, video, words
We can’t attest to how genuine this video is — some commenters suspect it was staged — but it’s pretty funny all the same.
The video was uploaded to YouTube earlier this month by someone using the name Joe Ballew. And it looks like it could hit the million-view mark before the month is out.
In it, a male voice, presumably Ballew’s, can be heard showing off his newly repaired fence.
“Yep, just completed fixing this fence. Pretty proud of it I’d have to say,” the man says. “Kinda keeps Stella in the yard.”
Just how “kinda” becomes obvious seconds later — when Stella comes into the frame and easily jumps over what appears to be the new section of fence.
“Dammit,” the man can be heard to say.
What makes some viewers suspicious is that just before Stella appears, the otherwise smooth camera work is interrupted with a jolt, and a slight human grunt can be heard — almost as if the camera operator is throwing something he knows Stella, fence or no fence, is going to go after.
We, too, might question how straightforward Ballew is being, but we are still mighty impressed with Stella’s jumping ability.
Posted by John Woestendiek March 24th, 2016 under Muttsblog, videos.
Tags: animals, dog, dogs, escapes, fence, fences, fencing, funny, home, jump, jumping, leap, leaping, pets, stella, video, yard
A doggy day care center is the setting for this Amy Schumer skit, poking fun at those dog owners who go a little bit overboard — especially when it comes to describing their own “heroism” in adopting rescue dogs.
The five moms trade stories after dropping their “fur babies” at day care.
One explains her dog “lost his legs when a cop shot him in St. Louis.”
Not to be outdone, another says her dog was a Sudan child dog soldier who was kicked out of the militia because he was gay.
Another comes in with a dead dog, explaining she adopted him after he was put down at the local pound: “And I was like, ‘I’ll take her.’ I’m just doing what any hero would do.”
Another relates the story of rescuing her dog, Mrs. Belvedere, from Hurricane Katrina.
“She was up on the roof with this little boy whose parents had drowned. And I just thought, ‘That little orphan boy can’t take care of a dog.’ So I choppered in and rescued her right off that roof.”
“What happened to the boy?” Schumer asks.
“What boy?” the owner of Mrs. Belvedere responds.
Posted by John Woestendiek May 26th, 2015 under Muttsblog, videos.
Tags: amy schumer, animals, comedy, comedy central, day care, dogs, funny, fur babies, humor, inside amy schumer, pets, rescues
He isn’t exactly adept at catching airborne snacks in his mouth. Does that mean Fritz the Golden retriever should be made a laughingstock?
Probably not, but welcome to the Internet age, in which dogs (and humans) are more likely to become famous not for doing something right, but for doing something wrong — and the more “epic” the fail the better.
This video was posted on YouTube last week, and since has been reposted on major media websites, and broadcast on TV, like yesterday’s Today Show — all but guaranteeing it will go viral.
We hesitated before even posting it, because in a way we see it as laughing “at” Fritz, who, for all we know, might have a vision problem or other disability.
But we admire his persistence, and the look of determination in his eyes. We admire that far more than we admire the owner, and — assuming Fritz is eating everything thrown at him after it lands on the ground — the unhealthy diet he is providing his dog.
Fritz flubs it when he tries to catch, among other food items, a donut, a slice of pizza, a hot dog (on bun, with mustard), a chimichanga and more.
Not until the very end does he manage to catch an item — what appears to be a french fry.
The YouTube post provides few details, so we can only hope this was videotaped over time, as opposed to all in one day — for the sake of Fritz’s stomach, and his owner’s carpeting.
Posted by John Woestendiek March 25th, 2015 under Muttsblog, videos.
Tags: animals, catching, dog, dogs, error, fail, food, fritz, funny, golden retriever, humor, internet, miss, missing, pets, snacks, treats, video, videos, youtube