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Tag: milk

Final Four: Stupid pets vs. stupid humans

Stupid pet tricks and stupid human tricks from the “Late Show” with David Letterman are battling it out online in an NCAA-style tournament.

The show selected 16 finalists for the tournament — chosen from nearly 300 pet and human tricks performed over 17 years of the “Late Show.” They put the stupid human tricks on one side of the brackets, the stupid dog tricks on the other.

Online voting determines who progresses to the next round. One vote per day is permitted.

Bailey, above, who we’ve shown you before, is still in the running on the pet side of the brackets. So far Bailey, aka Dog Playing Dead, has beaten out Dog Jumping Rope, and Dog That Says “I love you.”

Meanwhile, on the human side of the brackets, “Woman Spits Gum, Sucks It Back” has advanced through the early rounds and was headed to take on either the “Lady Who Scratches Eyeballs” or “Man Who Squirts Milk Out of Eye.” Here’s a look at the latter:

The championship round will pit the winner on the stupid pet trick side against the winner of the stupid human side, with online voting determining the winner. I’m picking Bailey to go all the way — since voters are choosing their favorite, as opposed to the stupidest. Were they voting for the stupidest, humans would win, hands down.

Westie stays warm despite cold-hearted theft

Here’s CNN’s report on the Westie who had the coat stolen off his back while briefly tied outside a New York City supermarket.

Lexie was relieved of his $25 green wool coat last week, while his owner was buying milk. Fortunately, it was his everyday coat, and not the Burberry.

What exactly the cow with a tire stuck on his head — seen near the end of the report — has to do with any of this is beyond me, but then what would you expect from a reporter named Jeanie Moos?

You can’t get much lower than this

020910ALEXI1GPM.jpgA Westie left tied by his owner outside a New York supermarket was relieved of his winter wear — that’s right, somebody stole the coat off his back.

Donna McPherson, 42, says she tied up Lexie, her 10-year-old Westie, in front of Ace Supermarket in Park Slope “for two minutes” so she could buy milk.

When she returned, the $25 green wool coat with leather trim he’d been wearing was gone.

Here’s how McPherson relayed the facts to F—ed in Park Slope, a blog that isn’t nearly as dirty as its name:

I ran out of milk Sat night at 6.30pm so bundled Lexie up in his little green coat and walked down to Union & 7th to get some milk from Ace Supermarket. I tied Lexie to the door (where I could see him through the glass) and grabbed the milk. As anyone who’s been in Ace knows, the milk is located right inside the door, so I only had my back turned on Lexie for 10 seconds or so ( I know, I know: people will shout at me for leaving him alone outside and I  never normally do, but I needed some milk!). I was back outside within less than a minute, and when I came out someone had STOLEN THE GREEN COAT off of Lexie’s back!?.

WHAT. THE. F—??? I mean, who does that? 

I thank god the dog coat thief didn’t steal Lexie, but I never expected my friggin dog to get mugged!  Lexie is OK post traumatic incident, but I swear to God: if I see someone with a dog in Lexie‘s green coat you better run in the opposite direction!!”

McPherson, an investment banker, told the New York Post she attempted to make it up to Lexie by buying him two new coats.

(Photo: Gregory P. Mango/New York Post)

“Breast is best,” PETA says

PETA’s suggestion to Ben and Jerry, proposing human breast milk be used in place of cow’s milk in the making of its ice cream products, has been rejected.

PETA made the request after hearing that Storchen, a  restaurant in Switzerland, has just announced that they will be unveiling a new menu that includes soups, stews, and sauces made with at least 75 percent human breast milk.

That, a PETA blog explains, “got us thinking … which product would be fabulously awesome if it were made with breast milk instead of cow’s milk? (Light bulb!) Ben and Jerry’s!”

Humans, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals notes, are the only species on the planet that drinks the milk of another species.

“We explained that using cow’s milk for their ice cream is a hazard to consumers’ health,” the PETA Files blog continues. “…Animals will also benefit from the switch to breast milk. Because, like all mammals, cows only give milk during or after pregnancy, in order for humans to constantly milk them, they are forcefully impregnated every nine months. Many live in filthy conditions and are forced to give 10 times more milk than they would naturally. It’s truly an awful life.”

Since Ben and Jerry no longer own Ben and Jerry’s — they sold out to Unilever eight years ago  – they didn’t get much say on the proposal. A spokesman for Unilever said that while the company valued PETA’s input, it has opted against the idea, Advertising Age reported.

“We applaud PETA’s novel approach to bringing attention to an issue,” the spokesman said, “but we believe a mother’s milk is best used for her child.”